Welcome to Part Three of the Writing & Despair Happy Hour!
So you wake up in the morning, turn on the computer, get a cup of coffee, pull out your pack of squashed Camel's (the soft pack has to squashed cause it is so much cooler!) and open your browser and start with your bookmarks.
First Miss Snark, then The Rejecter, then Jenny this and Jenny that, then the Evil Editor, then a few more on your list. You read, you laugh, you cry and you say to yourself:
"If only they would notice me. If only I could get them to read to my masterpiece."
And so everyday you spend time thinking of smart, witty, wise comments to leave on each blog. You make sure you have a profile they can see the links you leave to your web site, blog and the poetry you published at poetry.com. (You even leave Miss Snark a hidden message on exactly how to Google your name, so it comes up on the first page!) You pray they will look at you.
Have faith! You are not alone! There are thousands of "you" out there doing the exact same thing everyday. Those precious minutes stolen for the dream of being noticed.
Want to know why? Want to know what truly motivates you?
Your best friend calls you. She is ecstatic, all bubbly. Hyper
"Remember that literary agency I told you about?" she asks. "The one with that really great agent who says he wants to look at new authors with a new point of view? The one that promises an answer within 5 days?"
You, of course, remember no such thing. But before you can get in a grunt, she says:
"Well I sent him a query and just got the answer in my email. He wants to see the first 30 pages! I am so excited", she laughs hysterically. "This is better than sex and multiple orgasms! I am on my way to riches & stardom. Clancy watch out! Finally!!!!!!"
You, being you, with a sinking heart full of jealousy and your face green with envy (thanking the lucky stars she can't see your face at the moment), and seriously wanting to chop your best friend up, put the pieces in a suitcase and dump it in the river, say:
"Congratulations. Just remember me when you are famous!"
"Of course I will," she says as you hear the click on the other end.
A few weeks go by. You forget all about your abstinent friend's submission. Then one day you call her just to see how things are going.
"Hey, what happened with the manuscript?" You ask with your sweetest voice in the most naive and blaze tone you can muster.
"Which manuscript? Oh that one?" nervous giggles on the other end. "Would you believe the bastard took 6 weeks to get back to me, and I emailed him every day to say Good Morning and wish him a great day, and then had the nerve to send me a form rejection!"
Well we all know that delusions are a wonderful thing, aren't they?
All illustrations above are from the Despair.com. All hyperlinks on the posters will take you to their original page @ Despair.com.
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