Sunday, October 22, 2006

Give Me A Break.....

You know what I love. I love people who for some reason think their wit and humor made at the expense of others is just so damn good, so out of the ballpark, so incredible, that they can post anything they would like on the Internet, as long as it is done under an assumed alias. They want to get away with it. The want to be "cool". They want to be Miss Snark.

And I love the Miss Snark imitators out there. They are an incredible force in adding to the overall image, knowledge-base, and understanding of humanity. They are just so good, so smart and so wise that they are incredible additions to the the vast array of knowledge garnered by the human race.

So first let us get Miss Snark's Blog out of the way. This woman, whomever she is, is the genius of a new form of communication. She is a literary agent, who decided, for what can only be assumed as purely Altruistic reasons, to help the writing community. I have written about her blog for authors and writers before, what is good and what I personally do not like. It makes no difference in this case what my preferences on how Miss Snark approaches any subject are. She offers incredible advice, does it in an entertaining style and certainly has no gain but that of possibly bettering the writing community as she goes. Whoever she is, she has my total respect. In short the only thing one could say to Miss Snark is: Go Woman Go!

But as many know in the world of publishing, you get many imitators. I can only imagine how many Davinci Code book-alikes were written and rejected sight unseen. I can only imagine how many Stephen King wannabes are out there trying to sell their version of one of his books. Or Kellerman. Or whomever. Who knows? Every art form has its own imitators.

So it should not surprise anyone that Snarkville has its own plethora of imitators as well. The problem herein lies in the fact that they are really horrible imitators. They are people who seem to be doing this from altruistic reasons, and yet, they also are having Blog orgasms on the power trip they have ventured upon.

Okay, I am not someone to keep my mouth shut. Of course, many of you authors out there will tell me I am absolutely nuts for doing this because you believe Literary Agents have this secret cabal. They meet in a dark room on some island once a year, where there is no press and the place has been sanitized for bugs. At this meeting among other things, they create a black list of authors who have pissed them off. These authors are placed in a secret database protected with algorithms from the NSA and during the course of the next ten years, if any liteary agent gets a query letter from an author listed in the database, said author is sent the most demeaning form rejection possible. This is called "The Great Convention of The All-Powerful Literary Agents". Beware, because they usually meet right after Thanksgiving and before Christmas. And you do not want to be blacklisted.

Well, I guess I am just not politically correct, and since I have known a few literary agents in my travels through life, I do not fear them.

I need them, I require them, I respect some or many of them. I do not fear them.

Thus, when Miss Snark, whom as I have said, has my total respect, recommends a blog to go see and read, I click on the link and read it. When I see this blog mentioned in Absolute Write as well, then I further have the desire to see what wisdom is going to presented here. And therefore the other day, a blog called "The Rejecter" came to my attention. (And yes there is the link for those who wish to add to their erudite knowledge and wisdom. Spelling of Rejecter is done as to the way it is spelled on the web site. The rest of this post uses Rejector with an "o".)

At first reading The Rejector fairly amused me. Oh not because of the funny witticisms whoever this woman is placed in her blog. It amused me, because a glorified junk-pile reader, has borrowed a bit of Snarkville's idea, and is attempting to use a blog to create a "voice" on the Internet. So I read. I scratch my head thinking I have just taken stupid pills. I think again and again. Trying to find the wisdom being offered here. The most telling statement I can find is telling authors that a rejection form letter or any other rejection is a rejection. This said from a professed "junk-pile query letter reader" (a new job description to add to my knowledge), who is obviously vying and positioning herself to become a literary agent. Snarkville now has another house which seems to blow Blog orgasms every day at the wealth of letters being written to find out just how to write a query letter and why it is rejected. The genius of it all. The wisdom. The professionalism. The ultimate good of writing. The Rejector has found her rightful place in the history of writing. And this year they will give her a guest of honor seat in "The Great Convention of The All-Powerful Literary Agents". She will be given her due.

Oh please! Give it a rest. Find some other crowd of sad disgruntled people to go throw out your wise comments. Leave writer's alone. Give it a break.

So now as authors we have yet another line to cross on the march towards Rome. As if we didn't know this already. Now in order to glean wisdom, we go from the Rejector, to Agent Blogs and Websites to reading Miss Snark hoping we can find some post that fits our situation. (Not to even mention the amount of money we throw out on books telling us how to write, create proposals, make up query letters and our own doses of valium!) Then we must sit and write a query letter which the very intelligent Rejector will not reject and pass it on to her boss. Then the boss has to play the same game we play, albeit more sophisticated, with the publishers. Then we must sign the contract get the book out and do our own marketing. Therein lies the conundrum.

Next we will find some publishers assistant putting out a blog on why they reject manuscripts from agents. And then we will find Blogs by the marketing division at X Publishing House on why they will not market X book. And then we will find a Blog by an employee at Barnes & Noble in Zanzibar on why when I go into the store and ask for X book they will insist on selling me Z book. All anonymous blogs btw. All full of wisdom and knowledge. All under assumed names. All done for purely altruistic motives. Blog orgasms all over the Internet.

Somewhere along the line someone has got to stand up and say: Give Me A Break.

The Rejector hides behind a made up persona possibly believing this is all you need to be Miss Snark #2. Stop imitating Snark. Stop presenting your incredible genius in some type of need to create a power base for would-be writers. Go prey on some abused dogs and cats and get them to the ASPCA. The only message the Rejector has is this. Write a good query letter. TYVM for the message now can we please move on. Pretty please, to something a bit more important in the scheme of things.

I just must question, when the presentation of information is no longer knowledge or perspective and becomes just plain good ole bull that has been presented ad-nauseam. I just question why anyone would listen to a "junk pile query letter reader" without knowing the first thing about this woman's background, education or professional ability. I just question just how easy it is to hide behind some idiotic catchy name to present yourself to the world as an "expert". I just question to what depth we have fallen sometimes that reading over and over and over and over and over and over again - the same information and then placing wannabes on a pedastal of literary genius.

Not my cup of tea thank you very much. You want to show me your expertise. Then tell me please - name, background, education, professional ability and experience. You sure as hell would demand to know that from me if I was proposing in a query letter a non-fiction "expert" book. For goodness sake we know nothing about this "expert" of query letter reading.

Yep this is one person who says straight and to the point. I am tired of nameless people who hide behind idiotic names giving out advice without having in any way to be called on to defend it with credentials.

Miss Snark is the exception. Because she literally invented the idea. And she is truly being altruistic. Anyone after that - is just playing wannabe and trying to get attention.

In other words Miss Snark wannabes, cut the bullsh!t. And yes, I know when my query hits the desk of The Rejector, the great secret Database will throw out my name and the rejection will be sent with a sparkle in her eye by special delivery - because GASP! I do not hide under an assumed name. And even so, I say, Cut The Bullsh!t. Give Me A Break!

(The thread for this post is here @ Absolute Write Forum)

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Categories: short stories, writing, on writing series
Getting Wasted - Writing & Editing & Publishing Short Stories

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